im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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