so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ugly people sure do ruin things
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
