Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize