she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
