Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
