Soap is not a condiment
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
