Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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