thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
