U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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