What did we do last night that was yellow?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize