hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
