Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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