Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
