Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I AM VODKA MAN
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
