think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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