Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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