My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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