so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
