Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
