If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
