I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
