i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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