It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
