my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
