yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize