I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
