It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
