I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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