my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
