i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
