This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just high enough for therapy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
