dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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