um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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