I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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