9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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