just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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