I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
