He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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