I CAN MOONWALK!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
