And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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