sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
