Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize