yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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