Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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