I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
