super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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