I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
