So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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