A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
