And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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