Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
