is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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