do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
