Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize