The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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