I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
