He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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