apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My vagina just clenched in fear
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