I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
