Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
