im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize