why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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