My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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