I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
