Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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