hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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