this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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