Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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