it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
