Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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