oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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