Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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