They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
