I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
