just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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