It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
