hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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