Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
