Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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