Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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