im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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