i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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