yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
