covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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