oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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