I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize