I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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