I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
