I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
