i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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