What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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