Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
