Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
