Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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