Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
