I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
