evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
