my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
