If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
