i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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